Mood:
Still scared when I wake up. I was contemplating it before actually getting out of bed this morning, and I said to myself look, you’re doing everything you can, this is just how it is for now. And I went on for a few minutes, still contemplating, then heard myself also, “ok, but are you really doing everything, really?” I’m thinking that may just be some perfectionism. Then I landed on, “ok, I am doing the best I can in this moment, and I am willing to try and do more things, adding them on one by one to build habits as opposed to going balls to the walls and crashing and burning.” The issue has been in my mind all day. I think I’d like to sit down and make a list of what I think I could or should do.
Breakfast:
- What I ate: Dutch.
- Hunger Before: No.
- Satisfaction After: I didn’t finish, and I didn’t feel overfull.
- Dining Experience: 3.5/5. I was drinking it while going through e-mail.
- Why/Thought: Wanted to take care of myself by getting caffeine and calories in.
Lunch:
- What I ate: Subway Turkey Italiano, 12″ wheat. And Baked sour cream and cheddar chips.
- Hunger Before: I think, yes.
- Satisfaction After: Yes. Ate more than I needed to but I did eat it over the space of 2 hours. On the fuller than I need to be side, but not quite uncomfortable.
- Dining Experience: 3.5/5. I had taken awhile to get through some tasks and left later for lunch than I should have and had to hurry back and eat at my desk.
- Why/Thought: I was hungry and wanted the 1st half of the sandwich, and I should have stopped there. I told myself if I eat this I really won’t need to eat dinner, which seemed fine at the time. I absolutely didn’t need the chips.
Dinner:
- What I ate: beefy cheesy shells and some bread.
- Hunger Before: No, I had planned not to eat either.
- Satisfaction After: I didn’t need this but it always tastes amazing to me. I was full but not uncomfortable full, just I notice this fullness full.
- Dining Experience: 4/5. Jackie was in bed, I was able to sit and eat. I love the taste of this.
- Why/Thought: I just love this meal. I did not have a side salad which actually would have been worse in terms of volume eaten. There is just something comforting about this meal. I actually went back for 2nds, which was not necessary.
Snack:
- What I ate: N/A.
- Hunger Before: N/A
- Satisfaction After: N/A.
- Dining Experience: N/A.
- Why/Thought: N/A
Wins:
There were a handful.
- Really only drank half of my Dutch. Can we switch down to a small?
- I like that I’m more aware of satiety signals.
- I did not snack today, nor did I need to.
- Walked up the stairs each time today.
- I was getting irritated with folks at work today, and in that moment of annoyance I actually heard this thought zing: “I should eat something, like those cheetos I know are up here.” The thought zips through harder and faster than a line drive. No wonder I usually crumble and I usually can’t hear what’s really going on.
- I am journalling, even without the interwebs availble.